


Selfish or Selfless

by littledemon66



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Canon Compliant, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Fluff and Angst, Gay Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 04:06:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16189739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littledemon66/pseuds/littledemon66
Summary: Voltron helped the people of Earth fight off the Galra invasion, but now that the threat is gone, the paladins have to decide if they want to stay on Earth or go back into space. The decision's difficult, but it's harder for some more than others.





	Selfish or Selfless

There was finally peace on Earth. The Galran invasion had ceased due to the strength of the Garrison and the paladins of Voltron. Taking advantage of the time of peace, the paladins had time to reflect on their journey. All of them; excluding Allura, Coran, and Romelle, had started their journey at the Garrison, only to return to it as saviors of the universe. Their journey had come full circle. They had come back to the point where they began.

In order to decide what would happen next, the paladins met in an unused conference room and sat at the table. Earth was everyone’s end goal and most of the paladins had families to get back to. The Alteans would most likely be going back into space after a new Castle of Lions was built. Keith, on the other hand, had no family except his mother, who had left to serve the Blades of Marmora once again. Logically, there was no reason for Keith to remain on Earth.

“So who wants to stay on Earth?” Allura asked the paladins. Everyone considered their options, creating a beat of silence to pass.

When no one answered, Romelle spoke up. “It’s okay to stay. I understand that you have families. I just don’t want any of you to regret coming with us.”

The remaining paladins shared a glance. It was a tough decision. Stay on Earth, their home world, or go back to space to defend the universe.

Keith was the first to speak up. “I’m coming with you. There’s no reason for me to stay. It’s not like I have any family waiting for me or anything here.”

Keith had a troubled look on his face, but no one said anything about because they assumed he was just unsettled at the mention of lost family.

“I… I don’t know. I mean, fighting the Galra and protecting the universe is great and all, but I have a big family. When we were up in space before, I really missed my mom, my siblings, my nieces and nephews… I missed everyone before. To see them now and leave again… I don’t know if I could do that,” Lance confessed. No one was terribly surprised. Lance was the one who missed his family the most out of all of them.

“So Lance is staying. Anyone else staying?” Keith asked dismissively.

“You could at least pretend to care about us,” Lance retorted. Instead of responding with a comeback like he normally would, Keith stood up suddenly.

“Let me know what everyone’s decisions are when you decide what you’ll be doing next.” Keith made his way to the door and slammed it shut when he left.

Everyone stared at the door in shock. As moody as Keith had ever been, he never had he acted up like this.

After a few beats, Pidge was the first to break the silence. “Is he okay? Ever since we got to Earth, he’s been a little off.”

Lance snorted. The moment he did though, Lance regretted it. As much as he didn’t want to admit it aloud, Lance had gotten much closer to Keith ever since they had first rescued Shiro and became teammates for Voltron. The old Lance would have laughed at any weakness Keith showed, but Lance had changed over the years. At least, he thought he had changed.

“Sorry to break it to you, but he’s always been a little off.” Pidge glared at Lance when he had said that.

“That’s not what she means,” Hunk intervened. “I think something’s really wrong. Sure, he’s been moody before, but not like this.”

“Lance, since you’ve already made your decision, why don’t you check on him? I’m sure he could use some company. Now more than ever, in fact,” Coran suggested. Lance would have suggested that on his own if no one had mentioned anything, but he agreed wordlessly. A simple nod and Lance left the conference room.

Before he left though, Shiro cleared his throat. “Try not to pick a fight with Keith right now. He might be going through something big and trying to hide it.” Lance smiled briefly.

“As long as Keith doesn’t get on my nerves with his emo-ness.” Under normal circumstances, the remark would have elicited at least a simple chuckle from someone. But things were different now. Team members could be lost and Voltron would have to find new paladins.

Lance started his search for Keith in the most likely of spots. He checked the main training hall, the most logical of places. There were a few cadets there training, but no Keith. In the flight simulation room, there were more cadets, but still no Keith. Lance even looked in their old classroom. Upon entering the classroom, a wave of nostalgia hit Lance.

_“How kind of you to join us, McClain,” Iverson deadpanned when Lance walked into the classroom about an hour late._

_“I’m sorry, sir, but my alarm didn’t go off and my roommate never woke me up.” Lance sent a pointed look at Hunk, who was sitting near the front of the class. Hunk had the decency to look ashamed and mouth an apology._

_“That’s no excuse, cadet. Since you’re so late, you’ll be sitting behind Kogane. I’m sure you know_ exactly _who that is,” Iverson said coldly._

_Lance grumbled a few curses in Spanish and took his seat behind the raven. Keith’s black hair cascaded down to the back of his neck. Lance couldn’t help but stare—only because he hated it so much._

_Before Lance could even say anything, Keith spoke without turning to look at him. “You don’t have to worry about sitting behind me. I won’t even be here all that often.”_

_A few days passed by quickly because Keith and Lance had started passing notes to each other. It had first started when Lance accidentally hit Keith with a paper airplane that was supposed to land at Hunk’s desk. Keith scowled and unfolded the paper airplane. After reading what was written there, Keith scribbled something down as well and sent it flying to Hunk._

_‘I’m gonna kill Griffin.’ Lance had written to Keith one day. Keith shifted in his seat and wrote something down. He looked torn for a moment before erasing what he had written down. Keith rewrote something and flung it back over his shoulder to land on Lance’s desk._

_‘Why?’ Lance scowled at the question and wrote an answer down. Waiting for Iverson to look away, the Cuban tapped his foot impatiently. After Iverson started to fire questions off at Pidge for some reason or another, Lance tossed the paper over Keith’s shoulder to land right in the raven’s hand._

_‘He’s so annoying,’ Keith snorted in amusement. ‘Also, he was making fun of someone I kinda like.’_

_Keith’s head tilted slightly, letting Lance know he had finished reading the note. That morning, Lance had seen James cornering Keith and bullying him. Scared Keith had noticed him, Lance bit his lip, waiting for a response. Writing something down briefly, Keith threw it back to Lance with more force than necessary._

_‘Oh yeah? Well, things’ll take care of themselves.’_

_Before Lance had time to write a response, the bell rang. Iverson groaned in annoyance._

_“Class dismissed,” Iverson said curtly._

_On the way out, Keith sent a sad smile to Lance before disappearing. Pidge and Hunk caught up with Lance._

_“And then Iverson said that I was a showoff and…” Pidge ranted about class, but Lance paid it no mind. What mattered was the sad smile on Keith’s face as he left._

_The next day, when Lance had walked into the classroom, Keith wasn’t there. Lance took his seat, a little disgruntled, and looked around the class._

_“Wow, that deer-in-headlights look looks great on you,” Pidge said, sliding up to his desk._

_“Oh lay off, Pidge!” Lance defended. “I’m just looking for the stupid mullet.”_

_“Oh yeah? Well, I heard he got detention for getting in a fight with Griffin again. Don’t even try looking for him for a few days.” Pidge laughed._

_“Wait, he fought Griffin?” Lance asked, already piecing things together in his head. “Like James Griffin?”_

_“Yeah, that’s the one. Apparently Keith did it because Griffin made him ‘secondhand pissed’ or something. Keith said someone he knew told him that Griffin was bullying his crush, so Keith beat him up. If I knew he was awesome like that, I’d be his friend in a heartbeat,” Pidge shrugged._

_A few weeks went by and there was still no sign of Keith. Lance worried for his “rival.” Not only because he was gone for so long, but also because he got into a fight because of Lance. Detention shouldn’t last a few weeks for a small fight. Well, maybe not small because Keith didn’t know the meaning of small, but Keith had never been gone for this long. Not that Lance kept track or anything._

_Soon, Iverson approached him with an uptight look on his face. “Congratulations, cadet. You’ve been bumped up from cargo pilot to fighter pilot.”_

_Lance stared at Iverson in shock. “I… I… Thank you, sir!”_

_As Iverson walked back to the front of the class, Lance had a big grin on his face. Pidge came up to him, Lance ready for a congrats or something._

_Instead, Pidge had different news. “Keith’s gone.”_

_“Uh, what?” Lance rose an eyebrow. “Can you repeat that?”_

_“Keith got kicked out. Apparently that fight was the last straw and they kicked him out. The Garrison gave you his spot,” Pidge explained._

_“Wait, so that’s it? Keith’s not coming back? Ever?” Lance babbled. The grin on his face quickly disappeared._

_Pidge looked confused. “I didn’t think you’d really care that much. You guys were always arguing, so I thought you’d be fine with it.”_

_“I_ am _fine!” Lance frowned. “It’s just sudden. That’s all. Thanks for telling me, Pidge.”_

_Pidge sent a worried look at Lance and returned to her seat. She leaned over and whispered something hurriedly to Hunk, too quiet for Lance to hear._

_Keith was gone. He was really gone and he left Lance his spot to be a fighter pilot. Keith had one-upped him_ again _._

It shocked Lance when he realized how clearly he could remember his memories about Keith. Sure Keith didn’t remember him, but what mattered was that the interactions _did_ happen. Guess this was what Keith felt like when he said he didn’t remember the bonding moment.

As Lance walked away from the classroom, he wiped away some unexpected tears that threatened to fall. Maybe he missed the Garrison more than he had realized. The memories of Keith couldn’t have made him cry. It had to have been the Garrison. Maybe the excess of dust. Anything could have triggered Lance’s tears. But not Keith. Lance had shed enough tears because of Keith.

Lance tried checking the memorial for all of the fallen soldiers that died in the Galran invasion. Lance knew that Keith felt somewhat guilty about the actions of the Galra, even if he wasn’t part of the Galran Empire. Keith had talked to Lance plenty of times for the latter to know that Keith felt guilty because he had Galran blood. Unfortunately, Keith wasn’t there either.

Thinking of Keith’s current state made Lance feel terrible. Like someone was ripping his heart in half. But in a way, his heart _was_ being ripped into pieces. No one had ever noticed, but Lance was fighting his own internal battles. Part of him wanted to stay on Earth with his family. Another part of him wanted to go back into space to protect the universe. In this, Lance was divided. But there was something that both his mind and soul wanted. Something he was completely united for.

_Lance wanted Keith to be happy._

There was no denying it. Lance was happy when Keith was happy. Lance had denied the fact at first. After recalling all the times that Keith was genuinely happy, though there weren’t as many moments as Lance would’ve liked, he noticed that he was happy as well. A major example was the notorious “bonding moment,” as Keith would have called it. Lance remembered it. How could he not?

Lance recalled the small, genuine smile on Keith’s face when he had said they were a good team. Even as Lance was walking around the Garrison, he could feel a smile forming on his lips. God, he was definitely going crazy. Lance had gone from close to tears to smiling in a matter of minutes because of Keith. No―he wasn’t crying because of Keith. Maybe smiling, but not crying.

Whilst caught up in his thoughts about a certain paladin, Lance found himself in the parking lot. Just as Lance was about to turn around to return inside, he saw a familiar mullet. Ignoring the flutter in his chest, Lance ran toward the figure.

“Keith!” Lance called. Keith’s head turned to the side to look at the person calling for him. Upon seeing Lance, Keith quickly turned back around and ran.

“Keith, wait!” Lance began to chase after his―whatever they were at the moment―to get an answer.

As if sensing his owner’s distress, Kosmo appeared a few feet in front of Keith. Abruptly halting to a stop, Keith almost toppled over. Seeing Lance chase after Keith, Kosmo positioned himself between the two paladins. When Lance had stopped running to avoid a collision with the cosmic wolf, Kosmo faced Lance, hackles raised in agitation and a growl rumbling in his throat. Keith kept his head down, refusing to look at Lance.

“Keith, come on. We need to talk.” Lance tried coaxing Keith to calm Kosmo down. “Tell Kosmo to chill out. It’s not like I’m trying to attack you.”

Keith stayed silent, making Kosmo growl threateningly. Even though Kosmo had spent time with the other paladins, it was Keith who had taken care of him for over two years. It was no wonder why Kosmo wanted to protect Keith.

“Keith… Could you at least look at me?” Lance pleaded. Keith silently shook his head. Lance crouched down and pet Kosmo affectionately on the head to calm him down. He pet the wolf just as he wanted to pet Keith. Kosmo’s hackles lowered as Lance continued to pet the wolf.

Believing Lance was too distracted to see him, Keith turned around and started to walk away. The moment Keith turned around, Lance jumped to his feet and reached out to grab Keith before he could leave again. Lance grabbed Keith’s shoulder to stop him from walking out of his life again.

“Something’s bothering you and you’re gonna tell me what it is,” Lance demanded. Keith let out a dry laugh. 

“And if I don’t? What are you gonna do?” Keith’s voice was hoarse.

Lance forcibly pulled Keith’s shoulder, turning Keith around to face him. Lance hooked a finger under Keith’s chin and pushed it up. Nothing could have prepared Lance for what he saw.

Keith was crying. His eyes were slightly red and tears were streaming freely down his pale cheeks. It was like someone had driven a blade into his chest. Lance had never seen Keith cry. Not when his mother left to fight with the Blades or when he was in pain. Never had Keith cried in front of Lance. Kosmo looked at the two paladins and seemed to understand they weren’t fighting. The wolf disappeared, likely to steal food from the cafeteria.

Keith averted his gaze and tried to smack Lance’s hand away, but Lance caught Keith’s wrist. Lance slid his hand up to intertwine their fingers. Keith’s eyes widened and flicked his gaze from their connected hands to Lance’s face.

“You can’t just bottle everything up like this. It’s okay to talk to someone.” Lance tightened his grasp on Keith’s hand. 

“Before what? I blow up like I did when we were stuck in space and went space mad? Because if I remember correctly, you were the one who wanted me to drift off on my own and leave.” Keith snapped. “If I wanted to talk to someone, it sure as hell wouldn’t be you. You’re the last one I’d have a heart-to-heart with.”

Keith tore his hand away from Lance’s, but the latter didn’t skip a beat. Lance seized Keith’s hand immediately. Taking his hand away from Keith’s chin, Lance clasped both of his hands around Keith’s single one.

“I didn’t mean any of that! I was just space mad! That doesn’t mean anything!” Lance objected. Keith seemed to become more irritated from the statement.

“Going space mad removes any filters that you give yourself. What you said was true, Lance. It’s okay though. I’d want me to drift off forever too if I were you.” Keith used his free hand to wipe the free-falling tears on his face. Tightening his grip on Keith’s hand with one hand, Lance removed one of the hands holding Keith’s to wipe away the tears that remained.

“I just… I just have a problem with you leaving, okay!?” Lance yelled. Almost crushing Keith’s hand, Lance led their joined hands to rest on Lance’s chest. Keith’s cheeks reddened from both Lance’s outburst and the feel of Lance’s heartbeat under his hand.

“Let’s see… First, you get kicked out of the Garrison for ‘behavioral issues’! Did you think I was happy!? Well, I wasn’t. Even though I was bumped up to the fighter class to take your place, I couldn’t forget you! Then we met again when we saved Shiro. After I came to talk to you about stepping down from Voltron, you leave for the Blades of Marmora! I thought you would come back soon, but you were gone for years. Years, Keith! Do you have any idea how much I missed you!? Did you know that every time you called in with Voltron, I was happy to see that you hadn’t died out there!? Then we were out in space without our lions. You were talking about leaving again! For the third time, you wanted to leave. So I told you to leave. I just didn’t want to see you leave a fourth time, so I told you to leave. I never even told Hunk, but I was so glad when he got you to stay. And now you’re leaving again! I can’t do it! I just… can’t!”

During the duration of Lance’s speech, his heartbeat had greatly picked up. By the time he was done, Lance felt tears streaming down his cheeks. Keith was completely silent.

“I… Lance, I didn’t… I don’t…” Keith tried to put his thoughts into words but ultimately failed. Realizing that nothing he could say would help, Keith took a deep breath and wrapped Lance in a hug. Keeping their joined hands between their chests, Keith threw his free arm around Lance’s neck. With only minimal hesitation, Lance put his arm around Keith’s waist and pulled him closer.

“You don’t have to say anything about it. Just tell me what’s bothering you.” Lance rubbed Keith’s lower back soothingly.

“I can’t…” Keith whispered. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

“You have to trust me. Do you trust me?” Lance asked. Keith looked uncertain, but Lance was undeterred. “Why don’t you trust me?”

“It’s not your fault. It’s just that… I guess ever since my mom left, I felt isolated. My dad died when I was young and my mom left when I was a baby. I guess I’m just a loner because I push people away… before they can push _me_ away. I guess I have some walls up,” Keith admitted. Lance was shocked at this.

Keith never said anything about this to anyone. _This_ was the kind of thing Keith had bottled up for years? Lance had always assumed Keith was a loner because he simply didn’t like people.

“You should’ve told someone. You could have told me this before.” Lance murmured.

“How could I, Lance? You were always saying we were rivals, so how could I have said anything? You always tried to best me in flight simulations and our grades. How would I have known you wouldn’t laugh about it?” Keith balled the hand around Lance’s neck into a fist, grabbing the collar of the Cuban’s Garrison uniform as well.

The hands that were joined together soon fell down to their sides. Lance freed his hand from Keith’s and wrapped it around his waist. Keith gave a small smile and connected both his hands around Lance’s neck.

“I missed you, Keith.” Keith laughed a little. Lance felt a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“What? I really did!” Lance exclaimed. Pulling back and seeing the mock outrage on Lance’s face, Keith couldn’t help but laugh.

“I know, Lance. I missed you too.” Keith pressed his lips together tightly as if debating something.

Lance unconsciously pulled Keith closer to his chest. He finally had Keith in his arms. Lance silently swore to himself to never let Keith go ever again. Not after being separated for years.

“You’ve changed, Keith. You really changed,” Lance commented, resting his head in the crook of Keith’s neck.

“And, according to a guy I know, bigger, cooler, and grizzled.” Lance made an offended noise and moved one of his hands to Keith’s chest.

“Well, excuse me, you were—are—whatever!” Lance objected, eliciting a chuckle from the raven. The Cuban felt his heart melt at the melodious sound. When was the last time he had heard that rare laugh? Too long ago, that’s for sure.

“Are you still feeling angsty?” Lance asked. Instead of getting a denial, Lance was gifted with a smile.

“Less than before. Thanks to you.” Keith’s cheeks reddened.

“Are you saying that I, Lance Charles McClain, made you, Keith Kogane, feel better? That’s one thing I can check off the bucket list!” At Keith’s raised eyebrow, Lance felt his face flush.

“I-I mean, it’s not like it was actually on my bucket list. I meant it like metaphorically, y’know? I don’t actively try to make you feel better or anything,” Lance blabbered.

“I got it, Lance. You don’t have to explain. If anything, that was counterproductive.” Keith flicked his fingers against the back of Lance’s neck affectionately. Lance had a sheepish smile on his face as he nodded his acknowledgment.

“I’m sorry for leaving without explaining before,” Keith apologized. Seeing Keith’s eyebrows scrunch together in distress, Lance took his hand away from Keith’s waist and placed a finger over Keith’s down-turned lips.

“Uh uh uh! Zip it. You’re not allowed to blame yourself for this.” As if just realizing where his finger was, Lance’s cheeks reddened. Internally screaming, Lance lifted his finger slightly, hovering over Keith’s lips. The corners of Keith’s mouth flickered upward before lowering again.

“You’re the only one who can do it…” Keith mumbled to himself. Keeping one arm around Lance’s neck, Keith covered his own mouth with the back of his hand. Lance’s hand lamely fell to his side, eventually sliding around Keith’s waist again.

“I’m the only one who can do what?” Lance whispered, knowing fully well Keith could hear him. Keith averted his gaze once more, not knowing how to form the right words.

“You’re the only one who can make me feel… better, I guess. I don’t know. I’m not good at words and feelings. That’s more of your thing.” Lance willed Keith to look at his face, but Keith’s focus stayed solely on anything but.

“If I’m the wordy and feelings guy, then you’re the total aggro, action-based guy. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Everybody’s different.” Lance tried to comfort Keith, but the raven seemed unconvinced. “Look, Keith. We’re all different. And that’s what makes us… us! So don’t worry about it, Keith. It’s okay to be different.”

Keith, now slightly smiling, looked directly at Lance. Even the smallest of smiles always seemed to make Keith light up. As if he wasn’t perfect enough already. Pulling his hand away from his mouth, Keith let it rest on the back of Lance’s neck.

“I’m really going to miss this sort of thing…” Keith said sadly. Lance rose an eyebrow, silently asking for more of an explanation. “I mean, you’re going to be staying on Earth, aren’t you? So we won’t be able to do this anymore. We won’t be able to talk every day or do this whole comfort thing or even make fun of each other.”

This was the moment Lance had to pick a side. Being wishy-washy or unsure wasn’t going to cut it now. It’s now or never. Stay with the family that he had missed every day he was in space or go with Keith, picking him up whenever he was down? Family or Keith? Stay or go?

Lance shook his head, clearing his thoughts. It was both a hard choice and the obvious decision.

“No, Keith. I’m going back to space too.” Lance steeled himself for protests. Lance knew that since he had such a big family, they would be okay. With so many people, they would be able to live with each other. Lance was gone for a few years already, so the McClain family wouldn’t be dealing with anything new. Keith, on the other hand, had no one except his mother, who had only recently re-entered his life, and Kosmo.

Keith was the one who needed him more, not his family. Sure he missed his family every single day, but when Keith had left for the Blades, Lance’s heart hurt so much it was hard to continue moving forward.

“Lance, you can’t! You have your family waiting for you!” Keith yelled. Lance winced, prepared for Keith to try and change his mind. But Lance wouldn’t let him. Lance wasn’t going to let Keith leave him one more time.

“I know. They’ll be okay, just like they have been for the past few years.” Lance tried explaining himself, but Keith wouldn’t have it.

“Think about what you’re doing, Lance! You won’t be able to come back for a long time! You might not even come back at all! I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.” Keith’s eyebrows were furrowed in distress. His voice got a few pitches higher as well. “Stop being a selfless asshole for once in your life and think about yourself for once!”

“Keith, that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m thinking about myself this time,” Lance said softly.

Keith looked at Lance, purple eyes sparkling with confusion. Before Keith could say anything…

Lance kissed him.

Keith’s eyes widened in utter shock. Lance’s eyes were shut peacefully, pulling Keith closer by the waist. As soon as Keith even remotely acknowledged what was happening, he kissed back.

Lance smiled into the kiss, feeling Keith reciprocate the action. Tightening his grasp behind Lance’s neck, the Cuban felt Keith’s arms pulling him closer.

As they both pulled away, Lance felt his heart flutter. Both of them had flushed cheeks, clearly embarrassed.

“I was wondering when you’d do that.” Keith finally said after a few moments.

“Oh yeah? You could have done it yourself too, y’know,” Lance teased. 

“Is that a challenge, pretty boy?” Keith cocked an eyebrow. Lance only smirked. Both paladins were smiling at this point.

“Only if you want it to be, mullet,” Lance replied with a snarky tone. Lance knew that Keith would do anything if it was a challenge. But he also knew Keith would do it regardless.

“You’re on.” Keith snapped back. A beat of hesitation went by before Lance spoke again.

“You gonna kiss me or what?” Lance asked. A mischievous smirk graced Keith’s face as he leaned in closer.

“Oh, you bet I am.” Keith murmured. Grasping the collar of Lance’s uniform, he pulled Lance’s face closer to his. Their faces were bright red as Keith closed the gap between their lips.

And so they kissed.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first fic on A03, so I'm still learning how to format everything properly. Sorry if there were any mistakes anywhere!
> 
> Leave a comment or kudos (preferably both, but it's up to you) if you liked the fic!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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